My brain is now pickled. Once I became dependent on alcohol, I would never be able to enjoy a cocktail, because my brain would always want another, maybe not today, but the time would surely come that I would be right back to where I started from or worse. My own experience proved that to me and I’ve heard it said many times.
I started my journey into sobriety entering a rehab center where I stayed seven days. I went there wanting to stop my body from needing alcohol. I didn’t understand alcoholism and I thought that if I could just get myself under control, I could go back to drinking socially and just not party all day every day; that I could learn how to control my drinking.
While I was there, I was told that I would have to take this one day at a time. Go to anonymous meetings and not drink in-between. I did live day by day for 22 days. During that time I changed nothing. I did the only thing I knew how to do. I went to happy hour with my friends. I hung out at bars and drank diet coke or non-alcoholic beers. I was miserable. I decided that I had this under control, so now I could have a couple drinks on Friday nights. What’s wrong with that? The reply to that is everything.
I put myself right back into that sick dependent self, only even worse. Now I was taking anti-anxiety and blood pressure pills with my drinking. I became a zombie. I had to pull myself out of bed to shower, my energy was completely drained. I was now petrified. I decided “forced” to go again to my next rehabilitation center, which lasted for 30 days. It was the longest I’d been sober since I was pregnant 18 years earlier.
That was back in 2012, and it was the greatest choice I was ever “forced” into making. Every day I have a choice to go back to that life with alcohol. I know that all I have to do is have one drink. I know that when alcohol gets into my system, I will crave it and desire to have another and another drink. I must never forget that, not even for one minute.
Finding pathways that work in recovery is such an important step into becoming healthy. I never want to stop and become complacent in my recovery. I work hard continually at helping myself and helping others find their inner strength. The fulfillment in discovering all that I can be is glorious.
I truly believe in the Equine Gestalt Coaching Method. I started my training in this program in July of 2014. I will graduate in April of 2016. This program touches so many lives, whispering to horses and opening up hearts, allowing love and hope to fill up one’s soul. My horses and I will help you discover your pathway to recovery, and will join you on your journey to believing that you can have a life that’s filled with love and laughter without alcohol. We will support you as you redirect your life to an existence that is meaningful and productive. To a life that is worth all the hard work.
See yourself through the eyes of a horse. They’ll love you until you can love yourself.
Very nicely put, Kathy.
Thank you, Marlo…Muira and I enjoyed your visit to our Ranch.
I pickled myself
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