Newton’s Third Law states that for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. As I see it, all of our actions — both good and bad — come back to us. When I give to others kindness and forgiveness, I receive kindness and goodness in return. When I give to others sadness and anger, I receive those back. Following this logic, it would make sense to say that when I hurt another, I end up hurting myself in return. However, sometimes in taking care of myself, another will feel hurt. What is returned to me is the confidence that I have followed my heart and stood in my truth.
Recently, I have felt hurt by a friend to the point of wondering if I would be able to forgive and forget, move on, and trust our friendship again. I’m still in the hurt stage, carrying pain in my heart, struggling with forgiving them. I have the temperament that feels very deeply and also forgives pretty easily. The forgetting part is harder.
I feel hurt, pain, and resentment in my whole body. It weighs me down. And while I know it’s unhealthy to have a part of me dragging me down, following me around, and tripping me up when I make a fast move, my dilemma is knowing that if I cut the tie in order to let the hurt go, Newton’s Law tells me that the other person will feel hurt in return. While that’s hard for me, I realize that maybe that’s what needs to happen in order for me to move forward. I also know that each of us is responsible for our own feelings.
It might be that for my own sake, I can’t continue with this friendship. It might mean that there will be hurt for both of us by not continuing to be friends. I will always remember how much I’ve loved the good times. I will also remember how painful the bad experiences have been.
In moments like these, I go to the horses and practice Gestalt on myself. I might have a discussion with myself with the horse present. I look at each side of our friendship. I see that on one side, I enjoy many parts of our friendship. I list or talk through all we do together, the conversations, and the laughter. Then I explore the hurting side, and list by words or actions, ways in which I have been hurt, or have hurt this friend.
My heart knows the answer. But my mind might work hard to convince me that a different outcome is what I really want. The horse listens to my heart when I’m incapable of doing so. When I watch the horse and its movements, I usually can find answers to my dilemmas.
What I put into a relationship, I get out of it, and the same goes for the other person. If the choice is for me to step back from our friendship, it doesn’t mean it’s over forever. It means that right now I need a break to heal my heart. I may try to figure out another way to be in the friendship. That is my head at work! Or I may need to accept that the relationship is forever broken and therefore unhealthy for me.
If you have a problem that has been bothering you for some time, or a decision where your heart and your mind are battling each other for the answer, come to the horses with me. Together we can listen to them, tap into our hearts’ true intent, and live our Truth. See you in the barn.