My Sobriety Birthday is February 11, 2012
I have been writing blogs about my recovery journey and how the horses have helped with my healing process, and how I have been able to watch them touched the heart of so many others as they seek to change their lives, here at the ranch. My first blog was on this date three years ago. I was so excited to share my recovery journey and to be able to introduce my recovery coaching business.
Seven years ago, my life was a mess. I was living my life dependent on alcohol. My mind was consumed with managing the amount of vodka in the bottle, fearful of not having enough for the night and yet still have that perfect amount for my morning withdrawals. I spent every waking hour managing my shaking body.
My body needed to have alcohol 24 hours a day, if I went a few hours without having a drink, the shakes would begin. My mornings had begun with what looked like a glass of orange juice, inside was a splash of OJ mixed with a full glass of vodka. I had to start each day drinking. Without the drink, my body would tremble from the inside out, shaking, unless I fed it with alcohol, so I had to drink all day, every day.
All day I had to work at maintaining a level of awareness and keep enough alcohol in my system to hide my disease. At the end of the day, when I laid down to sleep, I would pray that I would make it through the night, alive. I feared for my life; I could see my chest rising and falling, working hard to pump my alcohol filled blood through my system. In the morning, I had to start all over again. God answered my prayer and kept me alive, though I didn’t respect my body enough to get the help I needed. I was drinking to stay alive, and my drinking was killing me. I lived like this for years; every year was worse than the last.
February is my month to celebrate my Sobriety Birthday. To celebrate the many ways that I have evolved. To look back and honor my journey in recovery. In my trek to becoming certified in the Touched by a Horse® Equine Gestalt Coaching Method®, Melisa Pearce, CEO of TBAH, taught me that I must become healthy and whole in my own life to become a healing coach to others in their lives. When I stepped into the round pen, I worked together with the horse to clear my background, my past so that I could unblock the pain and face my future with a renewed sense of passion., Just as I am asking my clients to do when they step into the round pen with my horses and me.
My first healing experience with a horse and Melisa was to help me with my fear over a question I asked myself “Will I ever have fun again, will I laugh and enjoy myself, without alcohol?” In the middle of the round pen was a pole, I stood on one side and talked about my life as sober Kathy; then walked over to the other side and talked about my life as a drinking Kathy. I had a conversation with both sides of myself, the back and forth banter allowed me to work through my thoughts. The horse decided to help me out by giving me a big nudge with his head and pushed me to the side of the pole that was me sober. The horse knew that I was happier sober. The horse showed me that fun was in my heart, not in a bottle.
I will be celebrating my recovery, not with the celebratory champagne or the fake apple cider with a fizz, but with my closest and dearest friends, the old and the new, with joy, gratitude, and pride.
#Joy #soberlife #recovery #addict #gratitude #pride #gestaltcoaching #equinecoaching #equinetherapy