The first time I heard someone say that they were grateful to be an alcoholic, I thought they were crazy. Who in their right mind would be grateful. Surely never me.
Doesn’t being an alcoholic mean that there is something wrong with me, that I’m flawed in some way? I told myself that I was a failure. I didn’t have my priorities in line. I’m not strong enough. I’m weak. I have no willpower. I loved alcohol more than my family. Why can’t you stop?! I told myself that I wasn’t good enough and that becoming an alcoholic was a punishment.
Accepting that I was an alcoholic, admitting to the fact that I needed help, gave me the opportunity to start healing parts of me that were unhealthy. How I talked to myself was obviously one of them. I became aware of how my thoughts controlled my mind. Is your glass half full or half empty? Becoming mindful of my attitude was powerful. Having compassion for myself was foreign and unfamiliar but I knew I had to give myself a break.
Instead of thinking that I deserved all that I was going though, I started asking God, my spiritual power, to help heal my thoughts. Some days the only prayer I could say was “Help”. Not sure what or how he was to help me, I just knew that my spirit needed help to heal. As one day passed into another, I found myself healing. Piece by piece, I started creating a beautiful picture of what happiness looks like.
Happiness seemed scary at times. I kept waiting for my picture to be torn down or destroyed. I worked hard at building a strong base to paste my picture on, taking the necessary steps to heal from the inside out. If I changed my insides, my outsides could only become more beautiful.
I started seeing changes within, my attitude of gratitude started forming. My “I’m grateful for” list became clearer and longer, because for the first time in years I started caring and listening to what I wanted and needed.
Using my spiritual guidance to help me create my life’s journey, gives me strength when I’m weak, courage when I’m feeling fearful and wisdom when life throws me uncertainties. Using my spiritual guidance helps me when my ego steps in and I go back to my old ways of using my own self to steer my course, having an “I know better than anyone else” attitude. What usually starts happening is that my picturesque life starts falling apart and fear, worry and pain start filling in the spots where strength, courage and wisdom were.
Surrendering and asking for help is loving yourself. Loving ourselves to a better way of living is powerful and courageous. It got me unstuck from my life that was stagnate and into a life that is constantly moving forward. Believe in change and change will happen, walk away from the darkness and toward the light. Fill your cup half full, or better yet, fill it to overflowing. Become grateful for all that you have worked so hard to create.
Today, I proudly say that I am GRATEFUL to be an alcoholic.