In the room of light are all the good things you see in your mate. The parts of the person that you fell in love with.
I had a client today who is struggling with her mate. She says they love each other but have been treating each other as if they don’t. It seems they both focus on all that isn’t working in their relationship thereby sabotaging what she believes could truly be a great relationship. They’re putting each other in the dark room. The dark room is down the hallway from the room of light.
In the room of light are all the good things you see in your mate. The parts of the person that you fell in love with. The smile that excites you, the look that makes your heart pound, the kind words spoken, the love words whispered in your ear. It’s the good deed that they did for you that you hold so dear.. The hug they gave when you needed comfort. The kiss that felt so right.
The dark room is the room you enter when you can only think of how they have done you wrong. In it are all the parts of your lover that bring you pain. He doesn’t understand me. He makes me so mad. Can you believe he said that to me? I deserve better, don’t I? He didn’t pick me up dinner or call me when he said he would. He only thinks of himself.
When we step into the dark room we’re tempted to stay there too long. Focusing on the negative always seems easier and we can dredge up all the hurts from the past. When we’re in the room of light it seems we don’t even stop to notice all that feels right as we keep moving forward happily enjoying life and whistling through our days. In reality we’re living on a roller coaster. One day is great and then, bam! The dark room starts to look inviting again. We step in a little and test it out. Then we choose. Do we allow the dark room to consume us again? Or do we see the moment as one when we can break our old pattern of just reacting negatively? Do we step back into the hallway and walk toward the light? Do we know that we can’t control the other person, but we can choose our own path?
Whichever doorway you decide to walk through, walk slowly. Don’t bring your anger and frustration with you. Breathe, wait, and breathe again. Meditate, pray, get centered.
It’s how we deal with each room that makes us strong. What’s your part? Are you admitting and accepting the role we’re playing in the drama? Do we need to change our attitude? Do we need a change of heart? Do we need to forgive the other and ourselves in order to move forward either together or apart? Do we face up to the reality that we’ve exhausted all options and acknowledge that we’re spending way too much time and our precious life in the dark room? Is it time to walk down the hallway and find a new door to open?
The easy way is to stay on the roller coaster. It’s what we’re familiar with and we know what to expect. We don’t know what’s behind a new door. It is unfamiliar and scary and asks us to act on faith and to pull from our strength within.
Whichever doorway you decide to walk through, walk slowly. Don’t bring your anger and frustration with you. Breathe, wait, and breathe again. Meditate, pray, get centered. It might take days to get to a point where you can think and feel clearly. But take the time walking through your hallway of life to notice all of the choices you have. Make your decision only when your energy is neutral. Then once your decision is made you’ll be stronger to follow through.
Horses have an amazing ability to even out your energy. That’s why equine coaching is so powerful. They support you as you learn to respond from your heart, not your head. They help you open the door to your new life. You can trust the horse and trust the process. They have no agenda for outcome. No judgment. Their gift is to help you tap into your heart, instead of being stuck in your head. Their gift is to help you tap into your truth, so that you will choose to open the door to a happy and fulfilling life!
Come see us in the barn. Our horses and I are waiting to help you find and unlock the right door for you to step through. And to walk your new journey of discovery with you.